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Shellie Oakley: Breast Cancer

Submitted By: Shellie Oakley on 01/22/2009

Finding Peace & Joy After Diagnosis

Shellie OakleyI am very thankful that 2009 has arrived and happy to leave 2008 behind. To be honest, the past few months have been challenging and I didn’t feel much like writing.

My recovery from the two surgeries in late September was slower, longer and way more emotional than I expected, and my expectations surely didn’t help. The emotions really were a processing of the entire year, including a great sense of loss. Once I acknowledged the many aspects of that and stopped fighting myself, movement was possible. Once I came to terms with the reality that my 2008 Health Odyssey was not something to be confined to 2008, endured and then left behind, it was easier to move on. My last surgery/step of the reconstruction was scheduled for Dec. 5 and right before Thanksgiving, I decided to postpone it—I just wasn’t physically or emotionally up for another surgery and my goal of being all done before the end of the year was actually holding me back.

Things I have learned: I really don’t do great with pain—especially lingering, regular discomfort even if relatively low level. For those of you who know me well, second guessing myself will come as no surprise, so this has been a huge year in terms of major decisions that have no going back…this experience has provided an opportunity to process in a new and deeper way what it means to deal with ‘what is’, even if I don’t like it…to make decisions when I don’t like any of the options and then accept the results, even if I don’t like the new reality…to see my feelings as in the moment, knowing that another decision may also not have brought desirable results and/or that I will likely feel differently with time. Do I still have my moments of feeling loss…still have tears at both random and expected times? Absolutely. Is that overridden more and more with positive energy, forward movement and feeling good? Thankfully, yes.

January 3, 2008 was the day this cancer journey began and January 7, 2009 was the one year anniversary of my confirmed diagnosis. Here are my thoughts on that day—There were “best” decisions made, some of which I wonder about at this point. But I don’t beat myself up and remain hopeful that the issues that are unresolved just need more time to heal. Overall, it was a year that also contained many, many blessings and some fun times and opportunities to dig deep and do more than I thought I could do. I’m feeling good. It feels like it’s taken a long time to get here. I still have physical & emotional work ahead, but don’t we all?!

So, I am thankful for a new year, for my life and family and friends…for the opportunities of growth. May the year ahead be filled with blessings for all of us…here’s to good health!... to strength to face what life presents!... to laughter, love and joy!…and to dreams of peace! Thank you for being in my life and sharing the journey.

Love, Shellie             

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